Thursday, March 11, 2010

#10: Livestrong Impostors

In the '90s, cancer was mostly the stuff of legend. It occasionally served as a plot arc in romantic comedies and less frequently in spy thrillers (see CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER). But by the aughts, showing people that you were not only aware of cancer but super hated it as well became paramount. There was perhaps no better way than by wearing a yellow, silicone bracelet endorsed by perhaps the greatest monotesticular athlete of our time. Jog with it. Beat Greg from Accounting in squash in it. Stretch an arm across the bar in it while waiting for a Michelob Ultra.

But before long, there was a silicone bracelet for everything.

Breast cancer ad executive: We need a successful ad campaign.
Prostate cancer ad executive: Those testicular douchebags seem to be on to something.

Breast cancer ad executive: What if we chose a color?

Lung cancer ad executive: I kind of like that.

Breast cancer ad executive: We call pink!

Colon cancer ad executive: We call brown!

After Big Cancer got their mitts on the nation's silicone reserves, the lesser known causes got in on the action.

Abortion holocaust awareness!

Anaphylaxis awareness!

60's baseball awareness!


  1. This is a post from the future!

  2. This is a post from the future!

  3. A few weeks ago, I thought to myself, "what happened to all the Livestrong bracelets? What, they don't care about cancer anymore?" Then I remembered they never cared about cancer. Then I got really upset and went to work.