The aughts were the sweatiest decade of all (minus the Roaring twenties, and of course, 2300 BC). Liberals will tell you it's because of global warming. Conservatives will tell you it's because of the liberals' tofuvolvofarts. But it is this humble narrator's opinion that the departure from Rollerblading to jogging meant less windshear and thus greater inertia of sweat. Enter Kevin Plank, a football player for perhaps the most irrelevant Division I NCAA football program with an amphibious mascot, the University of Maryland. His business started modestly, but his fate was soon inextricably (and inexplicably) intertwined with that of Jeff George, who wore one of their formfitting shirts on the cover of USA Today. Under Armour's fate was sealed.
Soon pro athletes were wearing them on the field and off to run away from the cops. Liberals wore them to this really great little bagel shop that's only open on Saturdays from 10-1. Conservatives wore them in Church and also in Church.
"Hello, would you like to go to a local brasserie?"
"Yes, please permit me to change first."
"But you are appropriately outfitted.
"Aye, verily. But I am susceptible to the meatsweats*."
*--This blog post is dedicated to the millions of men and women who die of meatsweats every year.
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